nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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