It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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