so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
