i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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