Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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