Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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