I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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