just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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