I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
