mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
