K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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