I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
