dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
