im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
