No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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