either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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