Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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