Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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