Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
