doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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