I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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