I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
