I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
