i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
