last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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