i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
