By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hippo gnu deer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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