And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize