I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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