He uses pillows to masturbate.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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