Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
