Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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