i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
