I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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