evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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