When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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