K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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