does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
