I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
