i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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