it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
