The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
