It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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