I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
