I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
