you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want a musical about memes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
