i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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