we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
