i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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