So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
