Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
