Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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