so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
