Little spoons don't ask big questions
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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