Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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