Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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