I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
