Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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