somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
