So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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