We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
