READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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