yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
