so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
