he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
