Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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