Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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