eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
