I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
