"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug